Saturday, August 24, 2013, mid-afternoon: I entered my S. Michigan Ave. Hilton Chicago hotel room, set down my luggage, locked the door. Exhausted from conference travel, I immediately fell asleep.

I awoke one hour later to the HDTV on—static buzzing onscreen, no sound.

I hadn’t touched the remote control.

COOL HAND FRANK

Founder, publisher, head writer and executive editor of COOL HAND FRANK. Also a U.S. presidential candidate for the 2028 federal election, because the bar is really, really low.

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FIFTY SHADES OF TERROR